The wife of one of my closest friends passed away on Sunday. She was 50 years old. She and my friend have a gorgeous daughter who graduated from college 3 weeks ago. I feel a lot of very conflicting emotions about this for a number of reasons, but mostly I am just plain angry. I am angry at this woman for throwing her life away. She was a life long drug addict and alcoholic. She had many physical problems because of these addictions. My friend tried and tried to get her into various programs, which she always left within 2 days. I am mad at my friend for not standing up to her more and demanding that she get well - for the sake of his entire family. I am mad that this woman treated her wonderful child like a rival for everyone's attention, and spent the better part of 20 years jealous of her own daughter. I am mad that her wealthy father never gave anything to his grandchild, but bailed his daughter out of every situation without expecting her to own any of her problems. I'm mad at my friend for enabling and basically validating her behavior her by saying that he won't cause any waves for the sake of their child. I'm mad at her for living such a selfish life and putting herself first in every situation. I am mad that 4 years ago when she had a joint replacement, the dr did not see the infection in her bone before he put the replacement in, sealing the infection into her system. I am mad that she had to suffer failing organs and dementia for 7 very long months, as the infection ate away at her body. I am mad at her that she could not see just what she had in life, and chose to throw it away on cocaine and alcohol. I'm mad that drug addiction is such a powerful disease.
And I'm mad at myself for feeling like this.