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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Is it wrong of me to be mad?

The wife of one of my closest friends passed away on Sunday.  She was 50 years old.  She and my friend have a gorgeous daughter who graduated from college 3 weeks ago.  I feel a lot of very conflicting emotions about this for a number of reasons, but mostly I am just plain angry.  I am angry at this woman for throwing her life away.  She was a life long drug addict and alcoholic.  She had many physical problems because of these addictions.  My friend tried and tried to get her into various programs, which she always left within 2 days.  I am mad at my friend for not standing up to her more and demanding that she get well - for the sake of his entire family.  I am mad that this woman treated her wonderful child like a rival for everyone's attention, and spent the better part of 20 years jealous of her own daughter.  I am mad that her wealthy father never gave anything to his grandchild, but bailed his daughter out of every situation without expecting her to own any of her problems. I'm mad at my friend for enabling and basically validating her behavior her by saying that he won't cause any waves for the sake of their child.  I'm mad at her for living such a selfish life and putting herself first in every situation.  I am mad that 4 years ago when she had a joint replacement, the dr did not see the infection in her bone before he put the replacement in, sealing the infection into her system.  I am mad that she had to suffer failing organs and dementia for 7 very long months, as the infection ate away at her body.  I am mad at her that she could not see just what she had in life, and chose to throw it away on cocaine and alcohol. I'm mad that drug addiction is such a powerful disease.  


And I'm mad at myself for feeling like this. 

10 comments:

Junior and Orion said...

I think it is perfectly normal to be mad! There are so many avenues of help for addiction these days. I don't know if a family member could have had her commited to a rehab facility, but if they could, they should have. At the very least they should have staged an intervention.

Unfortunately, those caught up in the addiction don't always realize they need help. And too often, no amount of pushing can get their eyes to open up to their problems.

It is a shame that her father has not helped his granddaughter. Hopefully now that his daughter isgone, he will step up to the plate. However, dmamge may be done from him not helping her out in the pasts. Hopefully they can both overcome this and forge a new bond.

The doctor-unfortunately he is human, and can make mistakes, and he has to live with what he missed and what it has done to this woman. Too bad that does not make the suffering she went thru any less, or help what their family has now lost.

As for the friend herself, be thankful she is no longer in pain or suffering from her addiction. And also, her issues will no longer be inflicted upon the family.

My prayers go out to you and all who knew her.

Rhonda

Kea said...

What a sad situation all round. I think it's very human and very normal to feel anger. It's very sad that she wasn't able to break free of the addiction, or perhaps even realize she had a problem. Sometimes people are just beyond help, as much as we can see options, better paths to take. The tragic reality is that for many, there is only one road they are able to take.

I'm sending universal Light for the Highest Good of all concerned.

Blessings and Peace.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

the disease of addiction affects the whole family. it's not pretty either. and codependent behavior is also a disease, it will spiral out of control just like the drug addiction does. i know. trust me, i know.

be mad all you want honey. it is a normal natural emotion and it is healthy to let it out and talk about it.

hugs, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

So many what if's along the way...

Sorry for your loss their loss her loss...

And writing, well it is good therapy...

In a perfect world, we'd have no reason to vent but things are far from perfect anymore...

And that is sad in itself...

Noll said...

No, it's not wrong to be mad in the here and now. Everything you wrote is valid. Why do we do what we do; why do we fail, why do we self-destruct. We do because we are imperfect. That's where forgiveness comes in.

Thumper said...

If it's wrong for you to be mad about that, then I'm a freaking troll for being angry at some fairly similar things lately.

It's normal. It's healthy. But it also hurts...and the guilt that comes with the anger is hard to deal with.

But...it's perfectly all right.

Amy and The House of Cats said...

After reading the whole post, I have to say that I would be more concerned if you weren't mad at that whole situation. It was just such a crappy situation all around for everyone. It sounds like she had a lot of issues in life that made things crappy for those around her (and there are probably underlying reasons for the additiction, which I am sure were crappy for her) and then she had a crappy end of life because of a mistake by the doctor. I think you are right to be angry for so many reasons - I think that is totally normal.

chezcat1970 said...

It's very normal to be angry in a situation like this! The whole situation sounds terrible for everyone involved, so don't be mad at yourself for being mad!

Omnibus Driver said...

{{{{Hugs!}}}}

ABBY said...

Whatever you feel is normal.
Grief takes many forms.
And life, and death has many areas of gray in them.

{{{hugs}}}

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