Monday, May 31, 2010

One Hundred and Thirty Four Things that Pissed Me off Today

Ok, so really not 134, but seriously, I must be getting intolerant in my old age. Or, heaven forbid, I'm becoming my crazy parents.

Speaking of crazy parents, I was on my way to my mother's house this afternoon and remembered I needed to buy windshield wipers. (no I don't get the connection either, so stop wondering) So I stopped at Tar-shjay (you know, the store with the big red circle). This is where the latest in a long line of "how f'ing lazy are you" started -before I even got out of the freaking car. You know, the hawks that circle the parking lot looking for the spot next to the handicapped spot because they are too lazy. OK, so now that my husband is going "what the hell" let me explain. Three years ago I was really sick, and really anemic (as my dr put it "potentially fatal") and I was one of those hawks. I could not walk more than 10 steps without feeling like I was going to die. But now that I feel better, I only really bitch about the parking spots when I'm with my husband - just to piss him off. LOL. Anyway, I find a spot to park a reasonable distance from the door. Hawk is still circling the lot. No lie, there is a spot TWO freaking spaces from the handicapped spot in the row right in front of the door, and it's too far away for ms lazy ass. My intolerance level is beginning to rise. Once in the store I am greeted by 3 screaming children and a mother who is screaming just as loud "if you don't stop screaming I'm going to beat your asses right here in the store". I looked around quickly for my favorite superhero Irony to come out and commence the ass whooping. Toy aisle: child LAYING on the floor whining "I want to ride in the cart, I don't feel like walking". Could it be because said child is AT LEAST 50 pounds overweight and the cart is filled with crap food? (and really, I don't much care if you're overweight or not - and I am, but at least make an EFFORT to feed your child something healthy once in a while. More on this below) Maybe the kid just wanted to sit in the middle of the bags of candy and snack. Exiting the store: One very very tattooed and pierced teenager standing in front of the door whining "why won't it open?" The sign says "PUSH". I just stand there and watch. And wait. And FINALLY, the light dawns on our future nobel prize winner in astro physics. And then she TURNS AROUND AND WALKS TO THE AUTOMATIC DOOR. Seriously. It would have taken less effort to push the freaking door open than it took to walk to the other door. To say I was stunned was an understatement. I thought to myself "this is possibly the laziest person I have ever seen". But really not, after all, she was up, dressed, and in a store, so she beats out a lot of other people. Maybe she really just didn't know how to operate a door. (or it could just be further proof of my theory that when people leave their houses and go to the store their brain cells cease to function and they become the walking stupid)

Then I went to our local supermarket to pick up some corn on the cob - from Florida (not that Florida corn is a bad thing, but Florida is all the way down THERE and we are all the way up HERE and 5 day old corn is not tasty), and i swear by all that is holy that I heard one mother say the following "put that down, we don't eat vegetables". (note to my husband - yes crunchberries are fruit) ::SIGH::

Oh, and in case you were wondering about dinner with the insane mother. Potato salad mixed with canned chicken and corn on the cob. It was............interesting. And not in the good way.

Today's tasty iced coffee: Bananas Foster Float flavored coffee made with splenda and fat free half and half (the cream of the ancient gods).