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Monday, May 31, 2010

One Hundred and Thirty Four Things that Pissed Me off Today

Ok, so really not 134, but seriously, I must be getting intolerant in my old age. Or, heaven forbid, I'm becoming my crazy parents.

Speaking of crazy parents, I was on my way to my mother's house this afternoon and remembered I needed to buy windshield wipers. (no I don't get the connection either, so stop wondering) So I stopped at Tar-shjay (you know, the store with the big red circle). This is where the latest in a long line of "how f'ing lazy are you" started -before I even got out of the freaking car. You know, the hawks that circle the parking lot looking for the spot next to the handicapped spot because they are too lazy. OK, so now that my husband is going "what the hell" let me explain. Three years ago I was really sick, and really anemic (as my dr put it "potentially fatal") and I was one of those hawks. I could not walk more than 10 steps without feeling like I was going to die. But now that I feel better, I only really bitch about the parking spots when I'm with my husband - just to piss him off. LOL. Anyway, I find a spot to park a reasonable distance from the door. Hawk is still circling the lot. No lie, there is a spot TWO freaking spaces from the handicapped spot in the row right in front of the door, and it's too far away for ms lazy ass. My intolerance level is beginning to rise. Once in the store I am greeted by 3 screaming children and a mother who is screaming just as loud "if you don't stop screaming I'm going to beat your asses right here in the store". I looked around quickly for my favorite superhero Irony to come out and commence the ass whooping. Toy aisle: child LAYING on the floor whining "I want to ride in the cart, I don't feel like walking". Could it be because said child is AT LEAST 50 pounds overweight and the cart is filled with crap food? (and really, I don't much care if you're overweight or not - and I am, but at least make an EFFORT to feed your child something healthy once in a while. More on this below) Maybe the kid just wanted to sit in the middle of the bags of candy and snack. Exiting the store: One very very tattooed and pierced teenager standing in front of the door whining "why won't it open?" The sign says "PUSH". I just stand there and watch. And wait. And FINALLY, the light dawns on our future nobel prize winner in astro physics. And then she TURNS AROUND AND WALKS TO THE AUTOMATIC DOOR. Seriously. It would have taken less effort to push the freaking door open than it took to walk to the other door. To say I was stunned was an understatement. I thought to myself "this is possibly the laziest person I have ever seen". But really not, after all, she was up, dressed, and in a store, so she beats out a lot of other people. Maybe she really just didn't know how to operate a door. (or it could just be further proof of my theory that when people leave their houses and go to the store their brain cells cease to function and they become the walking stupid)

Then I went to our local supermarket to pick up some corn on the cob - from Florida (not that Florida corn is a bad thing, but Florida is all the way down THERE and we are all the way up HERE and 5 day old corn is not tasty), and i swear by all that is holy that I heard one mother say the following "put that down, we don't eat vegetables". (note to my husband - yes crunchberries are fruit) ::SIGH::

Oh, and in case you were wondering about dinner with the insane mother. Potato salad mixed with canned chicken and corn on the cob. It was............interesting. And not in the good way.

Today's tasty iced coffee: Bananas Foster Float flavored coffee made with splenda and fat free half and half (the cream of the ancient gods).

23 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well i didn't even know you HAD this blog. and for heavens sakes, don't go into the walmart if tarjee freaks you out! ha ha ha ha ha

i'll be back!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cheysuli and gemini said...

They don't eat vegetables? Oh my...

Derby, Ducky said...

No veggies or fruits? There loss, more for mum to eat.

Khyra, Khousin Merdie, And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Just think how much weirder it would have been at Wallyworld!

Thumper said...

LOL...I can't believe she walked to the auto door. I mean, once in a while I've walked up to a door expecting it to open and it doesn't but then, ya know, I think "Hey! I have to move it ALL BY MYSELF!"

The Paw Relations said...

If there is one thing guaranteed to put me into a murderous rage. It is shopping in the supermarket.

Sometimes you really have to wonder about people, but then it makes my brain hurt, so I stop.

I shall have to get back to my blog. It seems like my cats have completely taken over!

The Taylor CatSSSSS said...

Okay....Meezer Mommy....I didn't know you had this blog! I have laughed so much reading about your recent adventures!

You should be writing a weekly column!!!

Thanks for entertaining me!

Love, Deb

Eric and Flynn said...

I haven't laughed as much in ages! I will definitely be back.
Jackie

Hannah and Lucy said...

I didn't know you had a blog - found it today so will go back and read more. By the way locally to us it is required that you leave your brain at the door and collect it on the way out. That way you still have some intelligence left after you've spent all your money on things you didn't want!!

Hannah and Lucy said...

I'm back again - have just read your blog about driving to Canada with your Dad for cocktail onions. It is one of the funniest things I have read (didn't leave my comment there cos I thought you may not go back to read it) and I so wanted you to know I enjoyed it.
Sue

Aunty Pol said...

Oh sweetie...You made my day. I have the same experiences in Wally World...I swear people lose their freaking minds in there and wander around muttering " Ohhhhh...Shiney ".

It's then and there I wonder about the future market for a bedazzeled carrying case for a lil bit of C-4.

Waves from Houston !

Aunty Pol

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We didn't know you had this blog either, but then your last post was in 2007 ....

Jan says she must shop at the boringest stores or else she shops in between the crazies. Maybe you should go shopping with her. But then you wouldn't have anything to write about.

Amy and The House of Cats said...

So of course I had to come over from the Meezers and Billy's blog because they said you would show how crazy you really are. So far I am not seeing it because your post makes total sense to me. First, I get the wiper blade thing - you were in the car weren't you? That is how it works for me at least - weird thing remind me of other things. Then Tar-jay, ah yes. Don't get me wrong - I love it there (well, I did before they started the remodels - I get wanting a fresh food section but they are rearranging and getting rid of stuff and they aren't really even adding enough to make it a decent grocery store - ok,wait that isn't the point and I am rambling). The people you see there sometimes really do make you wonder about laziness - and I am the first to admit I am totally lazy a lot of the time. But see, I am too lazy to keep driving so I park the first place I see - even if it is far. And seriously "we don't eat vegetables" - I had heard that on some TV show (I think it was a recap of some reality show - can't remember which but I am sure I saw it on The Soup) and thought that it had to be a joke. But now this is a second place to hear it so I guess that is true in some families. I love vegies, so I just don't get it. And oh yeah, can I add yay corn - I love that you think it is odd to get corn from Florida - I am in the midwest - imagine how weird it is when it happens here. Oh and don't even get me started about the screaming kids - I swear on all that is good in this world that when I finally have kids (knock on wood) if my kid starts screaming in public said child will be removed from that location. My parents would have killed me if that happens (heck, I was a kid in the 70's - I totally remember when I had a tantrum in a restaurant and spent the rest of the time in the car. Alone - it was the 70's - you could do that then - I would not do that but I wouldn't put up with it either). And the one in the aisle - must be a relative of the one I saw there a few weeks back - though this child was sitting, not laying down.

Wow, this is a really long comment - I guess it is because it kind of feels like I could have written this post myself.

David, Egypt & The Musketeers said...

No veggies (except for cocktail onions), no fruit, no meats, it must have an unexciting Memorial Day weekend. Good thing you have the meezers and Billy to keep you sane. :)

Junior and Orion said...

Meowm is LOL!!!!!

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Oh man, on Saturday nights, when the friends come over to play cards, we have "Hammer to the Head" round robin. You'd fit in well there. By the way, maybe your parent are crazy from all the Gibsons they've drunk over the years. Maybe not. My parents didn't drink and they were totally insane! Thanks for the laughs...I'm going to go eat my vegies now.
Kattonic mom, Donna

Omnibus Driver said...

(or it could just be further proof of my theory that when people leave their houses and go to the store their brain cells cease to function and they become the walking stupid)

Oh... you've met my ex-boyfriend, have you? The man that cured me of shopping forever when it took him two hours to choose between two pairs of shoes???

And don't get me started on idiots who step out of an elevator or off an escalator or out of a revolving door and stop dead to take a look around and catch their bearings, paying no attention to the domino effect behind them...

ABBY said...

I think it's interesting JUST to get behind the wheel of a car. How many idiots are there out there driving around. It's amazing all of us make it to the supermarket and back in one piece with the way OTHER people (hahaha) drive.

I am still amazed about the vegetable comment...wow.

HotMBC aka The Hotties said...

Only 134 things? not too bad ;)
~~Robyn

Kea said...

Okay, I've recently been following your cat blog (I'm on the CB too), just saw the post with the link to your personal blog and have to say that I love, love, love your rant. Your style of writing, your way of thinking....Hilarious. :-)

Barb said...

Tar-shjay. Love it!

I had "friends" who taught their kids that "we only eat chicken, potatoes, corn and peas. And bread and butter."

I invited them over for Sunday dinner one day and the Dad was positively aghast because I made Corned Beef and Cabbage... with Beets and Carrots! Oh, the horror!

He ate bread and butter. The kids? They loved the dinner and had 2nd helpings!

I'm glad I found your blog, which has obviously been badly neglected for well over 2 years!

Noll's Nip said...

I am REALLY going to like visiting this blog :)

chezcat1970 said...

What a great rant! I can't believe that the mother actually said "we don't eat vegetables"--she had to have been joking! Great blog so far! I'll be back!