1. Abandonded Asylums (and other ghoulish abandoned buildings) - because I am seriously obsessed with crazy people - and dead people (but especially crazy dead people).
2. Kumquats - sweet and tasty on the outside, disgusting on the inside. I can't stop eating them. or saying "kumquats"
3. Ghost Hunters - because hunting for ghosts in an abandoned building would be nirvana for me. And I think the people on those shows (the people who have the ghost issues) are insane.
4. FiestaWare - really is a service for 15 enough? Should I stop? I can't. Paprika is ready for pre-order and my hands are shaking at the prospect of a new color.
5. Television Without Pity - television reviewed by people like me. very twisted.
6. Black Garlic - awsome on all levels. And when you use it to make a cream sauce, it turns grey. Can you think of anything better to eat than linguine with grey sauce? Or fettuccine al-greyo?
7. Chicken Invaders (all versions) - because it drives the cats crazy with all of the clucking. And blowing clothes off of chickens is seriously twisted fun.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Flip-flops
I have this "thing" about flip-flops. Well, really it's not about flip-flops as much as it is about people who wear them. Ok, really it's only about the FEET of the people who wear them. Now, all of you flip-flop wearers out there, I mean you no offense - I know they're comfortable but there are some rules that need to be followed:
1. If your toes point in all different directions, especially if those misdirected toes are on the same foot, please do NOT wear flip-flops
2. If your toe nails are one of the following colors - green, yellow or off white, and you are NOT wearing nail polish, please to NOT wear flip-flops.
3. If you cannot pick up your feet like a normal person when you walk, please do not subject me to the constant horse clopping sounds - it drives me completely insane.
4. If half of your foot is hanging off the back, or the front, get a different size. If half of your foot is hanging off the SIDE, then there's really no hope for you and please wear SHOES.
5. If you are wearing business attire, or even FORMAL attire (and yes bridesmaids, this applies to you too) Flip-flops are really not appropriate. Something in a nice strappy sandal would be nice. Unless you are a man.
6. People people people, it is never appropriate to wear SOCKS with flip-flops. I don't even know HOW you do it, but I have seen you freaks out there. I know you know who I'm talking about. Just stop it. If you know you have ugly feet, so you think you're protecting us from having to view your sideways toes or yellow toe nails or whatever, thank you. But you look like a freak with the socks anyway. Here's a suggestion - why don't you wear ::GASP:: sneakers.
Thank you for your consideration - the constant pouring of bleach into my eyeballs from looking at your freak feet is starting to wear me out.
1. If your toes point in all different directions, especially if those misdirected toes are on the same foot, please do NOT wear flip-flops
2. If your toe nails are one of the following colors - green, yellow or off white, and you are NOT wearing nail polish, please to NOT wear flip-flops.
3. If you cannot pick up your feet like a normal person when you walk, please do not subject me to the constant horse clopping sounds - it drives me completely insane.
4. If half of your foot is hanging off the back, or the front, get a different size. If half of your foot is hanging off the SIDE, then there's really no hope for you and please wear SHOES.
5. If you are wearing business attire, or even FORMAL attire (and yes bridesmaids, this applies to you too) Flip-flops are really not appropriate. Something in a nice strappy sandal would be nice. Unless you are a man.
6. People people people, it is never appropriate to wear SOCKS with flip-flops. I don't even know HOW you do it, but I have seen you freaks out there. I know you know who I'm talking about. Just stop it. If you know you have ugly feet, so you think you're protecting us from having to view your sideways toes or yellow toe nails or whatever, thank you. But you look like a freak with the socks anyway. Here's a suggestion - why don't you wear ::GASP:: sneakers.
Thank you for your consideration - the constant pouring of bleach into my eyeballs from looking at your freak feet is starting to wear me out.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Dear Hair
We have been attached since I was a year old. (yes, a year old, i was folically challanged). We have been through at least 387 different colors and 521 different styles.
HOWEVER
I will not tolerate any further insubordination from you.
HOWEVER
I will not tolerate any further insubordination from you.
Monday, May 31, 2010
One Hundred and Thirty Four Things that Pissed Me off Today
Ok, so really not 134, but seriously, I must be getting intolerant in my old age. Or, heaven forbid, I'm becoming my crazy parents.
Speaking of crazy parents, I was on my way to my mother's house this afternoon and remembered I needed to buy windshield wipers. (no I don't get the connection either, so stop wondering) So I stopped at Tar-shjay (you know, the store with the big red circle). This is where the latest in a long line of "how f'ing lazy are you" started -before I even got out of the freaking car. You know, the hawks that circle the parking lot looking for the spot next to the handicapped spot because they are too lazy. OK, so now that my husband is going "what the hell" let me explain. Three years ago I was really sick, and really anemic (as my dr put it "potentially fatal") and I was one of those hawks. I could not walk more than 10 steps without feeling like I was going to die. But now that I feel better, I only really bitch about the parking spots when I'm with my husband - just to piss him off. LOL. Anyway, I find a spot to park a reasonable distance from the door. Hawk is still circling the lot. No lie, there is a spot TWO freaking spaces from the handicapped spot in the row right in front of the door, and it's too far away for ms lazy ass. My intolerance level is beginning to rise. Once in the store I am greeted by 3 screaming children and a mother who is screaming just as loud "if you don't stop screaming I'm going to beat your asses right here in the store". I looked around quickly for my favorite superhero Irony to come out and commence the ass whooping. Toy aisle: child LAYING on the floor whining "I want to ride in the cart, I don't feel like walking". Could it be because said child is AT LEAST 50 pounds overweight and the cart is filled with crap food? (and really, I don't much care if you're overweight or not - and I am, but at least make an EFFORT to feed your child something healthy once in a while. More on this below) Maybe the kid just wanted to sit in the middle of the bags of candy and snack. Exiting the store: One very very tattooed and pierced teenager standing in front of the door whining "why won't it open?" The sign says "PUSH". I just stand there and watch. And wait. And FINALLY, the light dawns on our future nobel prize winner in astro physics. And then she TURNS AROUND AND WALKS TO THE AUTOMATIC DOOR. Seriously. It would have taken less effort to push the freaking door open than it took to walk to the other door. To say I was stunned was an understatement. I thought to myself "this is possibly the laziest person I have ever seen". But really not, after all, she was up, dressed, and in a store, so she beats out a lot of other people. Maybe she really just didn't know how to operate a door. (or it could just be further proof of my theory that when people leave their houses and go to the store their brain cells cease to function and they become the walking stupid)
Then I went to our local supermarket to pick up some corn on the cob - from Florida (not that Florida corn is a bad thing, but Florida is all the way down THERE and we are all the way up HERE and 5 day old corn is not tasty), and i swear by all that is holy that I heard one mother say the following "put that down, we don't eat vegetables". (note to my husband - yes crunchberries are fruit) ::SIGH::
Oh, and in case you were wondering about dinner with the insane mother. Potato salad mixed with canned chicken and corn on the cob. It was............interesting. And not in the good way.
Today's tasty iced coffee: Bananas Foster Float flavored coffee made with splenda and fat free half and half (the cream of the ancient gods).
Speaking of crazy parents, I was on my way to my mother's house this afternoon and remembered I needed to buy windshield wipers. (no I don't get the connection either, so stop wondering) So I stopped at Tar-shjay (you know, the store with the big red circle). This is where the latest in a long line of "how f'ing lazy are you" started -before I even got out of the freaking car. You know, the hawks that circle the parking lot looking for the spot next to the handicapped spot because they are too lazy. OK, so now that my husband is going "what the hell" let me explain. Three years ago I was really sick, and really anemic (as my dr put it "potentially fatal") and I was one of those hawks. I could not walk more than 10 steps without feeling like I was going to die. But now that I feel better, I only really bitch about the parking spots when I'm with my husband - just to piss him off. LOL. Anyway, I find a spot to park a reasonable distance from the door. Hawk is still circling the lot. No lie, there is a spot TWO freaking spaces from the handicapped spot in the row right in front of the door, and it's too far away for ms lazy ass. My intolerance level is beginning to rise. Once in the store I am greeted by 3 screaming children and a mother who is screaming just as loud "if you don't stop screaming I'm going to beat your asses right here in the store". I looked around quickly for my favorite superhero Irony to come out and commence the ass whooping. Toy aisle: child LAYING on the floor whining "I want to ride in the cart, I don't feel like walking". Could it be because said child is AT LEAST 50 pounds overweight and the cart is filled with crap food? (and really, I don't much care if you're overweight or not - and I am, but at least make an EFFORT to feed your child something healthy once in a while. More on this below) Maybe the kid just wanted to sit in the middle of the bags of candy and snack. Exiting the store: One very very tattooed and pierced teenager standing in front of the door whining "why won't it open?" The sign says "PUSH". I just stand there and watch. And wait. And FINALLY, the light dawns on our future nobel prize winner in astro physics. And then she TURNS AROUND AND WALKS TO THE AUTOMATIC DOOR. Seriously. It would have taken less effort to push the freaking door open than it took to walk to the other door. To say I was stunned was an understatement. I thought to myself "this is possibly the laziest person I have ever seen". But really not, after all, she was up, dressed, and in a store, so she beats out a lot of other people. Maybe she really just didn't know how to operate a door. (or it could just be further proof of my theory that when people leave their houses and go to the store their brain cells cease to function and they become the walking stupid)
Then I went to our local supermarket to pick up some corn on the cob - from Florida (not that Florida corn is a bad thing, but Florida is all the way down THERE and we are all the way up HERE and 5 day old corn is not tasty), and i swear by all that is holy that I heard one mother say the following "put that down, we don't eat vegetables". (note to my husband - yes crunchberries are fruit) ::SIGH::
Oh, and in case you were wondering about dinner with the insane mother. Potato salad mixed with canned chicken and corn on the cob. It was............interesting. And not in the good way.
Today's tasty iced coffee: Bananas Foster Float flavored coffee made with splenda and fat free half and half (the cream of the ancient gods).
Monday, October 29, 2007
And they wonder why I'm insane
The task for Tuesday: drive my 82 year old father to Niagara Falls Canada to shop, not for prescription medications as many senior citizens around here do, but for COCKTAIL ONIONS. Yes, you read that right. COCKTAIL ONIONS. About 4 cases of them.
My parents were married in 1958. My father was 33 and my mother 25. Every day since their wedding day, they have celebrated the "Cocktail Hour" with a Martini. Or, as in the case of the cocktail onions, a Gibson. After trying about 100 bajillion kinds of stinkin cocktail onions, they found that the only kind they like can only be found in Canada. They cannot be sent by mail order. NOOOOOOO. That would be too easy. We must drive about 75 miles and wait in line to cross the border, just to buy COCKTAIL ONIONS. I might by a case of Clamato Juice for myself. The Bartenders variety that is not sold in the States. Even though Clamato juice is made about 10 miles from my house at Duffy Mott. The last time I took my dad to Canada for onions, the border guard on the way back did not believe that we bought 4 cases of cocktail onions. When he saw that we did, he started laughing hysterically.
So, my parents are insane. But when I feel the need to go to the wineries in the Finger Lakes, they look at me like I'm totally off my rocker.
My parents were married in 1958. My father was 33 and my mother 25. Every day since their wedding day, they have celebrated the "Cocktail Hour" with a Martini. Or, as in the case of the cocktail onions, a Gibson. After trying about 100 bajillion kinds of stinkin cocktail onions, they found that the only kind they like can only be found in Canada. They cannot be sent by mail order. NOOOOOOO. That would be too easy. We must drive about 75 miles and wait in line to cross the border, just to buy COCKTAIL ONIONS. I might by a case of Clamato Juice for myself. The Bartenders variety that is not sold in the States. Even though Clamato juice is made about 10 miles from my house at Duffy Mott. The last time I took my dad to Canada for onions, the border guard on the way back did not believe that we bought 4 cases of cocktail onions. When he saw that we did, he started laughing hysterically.
So, my parents are insane. But when I feel the need to go to the wineries in the Finger Lakes, they look at me like I'm totally off my rocker.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
The Good Old Days
So, in the mail yesterday came an invitation for my husband to the Pitt homecoming game and a get together with his Fraternity. His fraternity, for whatever reason that was really really stupid, was disbanded 10 years ago and was finally reinstalled on campus 9 months ago. YAY! In this email was a link to the chapter alumni website. So, after I gave him the information I went and peeked. All of the pictures in the alumni section were of when he and I were in college. Oh, were we ever so young and skinny? YIKES!! What memories! Parties on the porch roof, football games at the old Pitt Stadium (now why would they tear it down and build a new one downtown? what, the kids today can't walk up cardiac hill anymore?), pig roasts, football on the Cathedral Lawn, spring days laying out on the Cathedral Lawn, Schenley Park, Panther Hollow, Stephanie and I walking 5 miles from our sorority suite in freaking freezing weather to some rinky dink convienence store for a cup of hot chocolate, movies at David Lawrence Auditorium, classes in the Nationality Rooms in the Cathedral of Learning. Oh yeah, and learning. Not that I work in the field I majored in.
So, then I went and took a look around my sorority's website, to see if any of my chapter sisters had checked in to the message board. And lo and behold, there is a new networking site (that, coindicentally, my husband's fraternity is now using as well!). So I signed up. Not many of my chapter sisters have signed up yet, but if you are a member of Theta Phi Alpha and have not signed up for the new InCircle site, what are you waiting for?
So, then I went and took a look around my sorority's website, to see if any of my chapter sisters had checked in to the message board. And lo and behold, there is a new networking site (that, coindicentally, my husband's fraternity is now using as well!). So I signed up. Not many of my chapter sisters have signed up yet, but if you are a member of Theta Phi Alpha and have not signed up for the new InCircle site, what are you waiting for?
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Geez
Sheesh! I get this blog going and then do nothing with it!!
What have I been doing? Let's see:
Meezer Wrangling
Job Hunting
Picking tons of veggies from the co-op farm
canning tons of veggies and fruit from the co-op farm
Job Hunting
Interviewing for jobs that I just have no desire to do
More Job Hunting!
Looking for some pay per post type opportunities.
Considering another career change. I'm probably too old though.
Maybe I'll become a trucker.
Seriously.
No
Seriously.
Ok, well not really seriously.
I would like to buy a farm though.
What have I been doing? Let's see:
Meezer Wrangling
Job Hunting
Picking tons of veggies from the co-op farm
canning tons of veggies and fruit from the co-op farm
Job Hunting
Interviewing for jobs that I just have no desire to do
More Job Hunting!
Looking for some pay per post type opportunities.
Considering another career change. I'm probably too old though.
Maybe I'll become a trucker.
Seriously.
No
Seriously.
Ok, well not really seriously.
I would like to buy a farm though.
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