Monday, April 4, 2011

Life in the crazy lane

Dear Neighbors

Yes, I finally took down my christmas lights Sunday! Until last week they were freaking FROZEN in the gutter.  So now you can all stop calling me the Redneck Woman.  But be forewarned, I just may plant plastic flowers in my yard just to piss you all off.  I have a few "observations" for all of you

MrPlayboyNeighborWhoLivesBehindMe - you are NOT fooling anyone when you drive your car around the corner to spend the night with your old high school sweetheart.  You could literally walk out your back door, go 100 steps and be at her house.  You are not fooling her parents who live on the other side of her duplex either.  Oh, and you are not fooling her when you have other lady friends over to your house.  Close the blinds dude!

MsAgingRockGroupie - Aren't you a little old to have your boyfriend and his "garage band" over every weekend to practice in your garage? Seriously, you both are in your 50's.

MrsMotherOf43ChildrenAcrossTheStreet - You presume to tell me you now have room for 4 dogs in that house with all of those kids? Really? I'm thinking that you have had them tunnel through the basement wall and have built an underground bunker over there to keep them all.

MrPsychoCorvetteOwner/DrugDealer - yes YOU.  We ALL know that you are dealing drugs.  You cannot fool us with that little piece of paper you taped over your peep window in your front door.  The constant stream of visitors you have that only stay for 2 minutes is kind of a give away.   I look forward to the SWAT team showing up at your door some morning at 4am.  Oh, and your Corvette is still a piece of crap.

WrestlemainaDudes - you all are in your late 20's - when will you realize that "professional" wrestling is FAKE??? Oh, and you the 28 year old- please please please do not ever go back to the orange and yellow dyed dreadlock look - you looked like Rasta McDonald.


Dear Neighbors in our Village - it's SPRING.  The farmers are out tending to their fields. Spreading manure around is common. It helps the crops grow. And it does smell.  Deal with it.  Do NOT send a petition around demanding that the farmers not spread manure in their fields that your house happens to be built next to.  Would your alternative in any way involve toilet training of farm animals? Because I would pay a LOT of money to watch you do that.

6 comments:

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Bravo!

Treat yourself to a special grande iced KHoffee!

Thumper said...

What? The farmers around there don't slap Depends on their animals?

The horror...

Derby, Ducky said...

Feel better now?

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We're not sure whether you're serious or kidding. If you're kidding, we're laughing. If you're serious, we'll help chip in for the farm animals to be litter trained. :)

barb @iPhoneographi said...

you took down your christmas lights? why? you're just going to have to hang them up again.

David, Egypt & The Musketeers said...

You mean wrestling is F-A-K-E?

You should've left your Christmas lights up. We keep our Christmas lights up year 'round. And, no, we don't have a gun rack in the back window.

:)