oh good grief

People, people, people (and I use that term loosely) - if you get a note in your mail box that you are not allowed to park on the street overnight, and then you get a note on your offending car that you must not park on the street overnight, or you will be towed, why are you surprised when you're towed? And since you only have one car, and a driveway that can hold 2 cars, AND A FLIPPING GARAGE, why do you insist on parking in the street? You chose to live in a townhouse community with community rules, you chose to flagrantly disobey those rules, and NOW you think that "they" are picking on you, because "well, other people park in the street all night too".  well, yeah, but they don't live across the street from ME and block my driveway all night, forcing me, at 5:15am to drive over my lawn to get out of my driveway.  Yeah, it was ME that got your sorry ass towed.  And yeah, that note on your car? That was from me too.  I warned you and the property management company warned you.  Idiot.  

But I do have to ask you, how do you fit all 47 of your children, and the dog, in that car? 

F***^%$ stoopid laptop

Dear Frikking Stoopid work laptop:  You KNOW you're going to be replaced, don't you! Well, here's some news for you - your brand spankin new right off the line replacement is a bigger POC than you - so you can just STOP THE CRAP . Stop disconnecting from the network.  Stop freezing my email.  Stop taking 10 minutes to open a frikking word document.  You're safe.







For now.

When will it be safe to go out at night?

Today's mosquito bite count (from 20 minutes spent outside on Saturday evening, where I did not actually SEE any mosquitoes) - 74.  My left leg and foot are swollen so much I cannot put shoes on.  What the hell! I was actually wearing long pants and shoes too.  If they were not mosquitoes whatever it was bit through my clothes. I cannot wait for winter.

Know what sucks?

100 calorie packs - that's what.  Please make a 500 calorie pack so that I do not feel so depressed after eating 5 100 calorie packs.  They are EVIL.  EVIL EVIL EVIL.  


Oh wait, maybe I should NOT substitute 5 100 calorie packs for a healthy lunch. 




NAHHHHHHHHH, today is a baked cheezy poof / ritz snack mix / oreo cookie kind of day.  


Damn you 100 calorie packs.  Damn you right to ......................... my freaking thighs. 

Reminder to self

1.  Remember to look for the cat on the toilet BEFORE sitting down. 


2.  Remember to pack your laptop BEFORE beginning your 86 mile commute to work


3.  oh yeah, that gas light? it doesn't go off by itself


4.  that head of garlic that you didn't notice rolling out of the grocery bags will eventually make your car smell like a bad Italian restaurant. (this will happen in shortly under 2 hours in the hot sun.  it will conversely take several days for the smell to go away). 


5.  as much as you would like to think so, a great personality and good looks will not get you that $50 worth of groceries when you forget your wallet.  


6.  the cats will probably eat you if you forget the dry food again and leave them only the stuff they refuse to eat. 

Reason 371 why I will have a heart attack before the end of the year

Phone conversation with the apartment manager after 5 hours of my mother's phone going directly to voice mail, and my dad calling me all pissed off about it:

Apt manager: Oh, well, I'll have Ann (a neighbor) call you - the paramedics are at there right now

Me: WHAT? AT MY MOM'S APARTMENT?

Apt manager:  Yes, well, she didn't show up for Scrabble so Helen (another neighbor) went in because the door was unlocked and your mom was still in bed and Helen could not wake her up.

Me: What happened?

Apt Manager: I'll have Ann call you

30 minutes later:

Ann: Well, we could not wake your mom up so we called the paramedics.  She's ok now, she's walking around the apartment.

Me: Can I talk to her?

Mom: I don't know what happened.  Here, talk to Heather

(Heather is the head nurse on the unit my dad lives on at the nursing home, and my mom's neighbor Helen's daughter-in-law)

Heather: It seems that your mom took an overdose of Ambien.  She's really not truly awake right now, she's going to have to sleep it off. The paramedics say she's ok - her vitals are good.  She's just going to go back to bed.  But, we've taken all the Ambien out out of the house so she can't take any more.  Ambien makes people sleep walk she has no idea why she took all of her pills for Thursday night AND Friday night.

I swear that even with the poor health she has, she's going to outlive me.  But at least she's well rested.  

The Main reason I hate summer

at last count: 28 mosquito bites - just from the knees down - 12 of them on my right foot.  even on the bottom.  I must have some freaking tasty blood.