Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Dr Scholls - you suck
Really, I spent friggin $49 for your fancy dancy orthotics for my poor aching feet. My heels feel like I'm walking on burning glass. So, I go to the local wally-world and get on that fancy shmancy Dr Sholls machine thing, look like a dink rocking back and forth, picking up one foot and putting it down, picking up the other foot and putting it down. Then it tells me I need some specific orthotic. Okie dokie. It's less expensive than the orthotics I got years ago from the podiatrist. Plantar Faciitis. It felt different 15 years ago, but ok, anything to take the pressure off my heels. I take my happy purchase home and OH MY FRIGGIN LORD. THEY ARE WIDER THAN ANY FRIGGIN PAIR OF SHOES I OWN. So I cram them in a pair, and MY HEELS ARE NOW ABOVE THE TOP EDGE OF THE SHOES. Seriously? I cannot wear them in ANY of my work shoes. Ok, so this may be my fault - I like little ballet like girly girl shoes - I cannot wear chunky shoes, or doc martens, or anything that resembles and army boot or something my grandmother would have worn in 1898. I like girly girl shoes. Like "Dorothy" shoes - pumps with pretty bows on them, pretty colored shoes, pointy toes, etc. I also have a narrow foot. These friggin things are wider than my feet and cannot be cut down. ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. Can't they make orthotics that actually fit real women's shoes? My feet are not SQUARE. The orthotics are.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day
Some days I have profound thoughts about stuff. Today is Memorial Day. It's a time to remember those men and women who have given their lives in conflict to make our country "free" and "safe". The ultimate sacrifice. On days like today I think about those men and women. When I was a child our country was involved in the Vietnam War. I can remember being about 7 years old in the late 60's and watching the nightly news, and pictures of the war. Pictures of the soldiers. They looked like the kids on my street that were in high school. They must have been young. How young were they? In Vietnam the average age was 19. Children. With their whole lives ahead of them. Witnessing horrible things that man does to fellow man. Injured. Dying. It hurts my heart to think of these children dying, possibly thinking about their moms and dads, brothers and sisters, possibly wives, children, friends. They would never know the joys of getting married or having children. Sitting at a back yard BBQ on Memorial Day. They died so that our country would be safe. They died for our rights. You know, the rights we exercise today - the right to speak hatefully and disrespectfully to each other. The right to be intolerant of each other. The right to get yourself so worked up about your political or religious beliefs that you totally tune out anyone with a differing opinion. Somehow I don't think that the Founding Fathers had that in mind when writing the First Amendment. The thing I love most about this country is that we have the right to change things. If we don't like who is in office, we can vote them out. Then, when we start to hate the people we voted in, we can vote them out. We DO have the right to be nasty and disrespectful to each other. I don't like it, I prefer informed debate, and maybe someday people will be willing to listen to each other again. But it IS our right. And no matter that I hate the level of intolerance in this country right now,
" I will gladly STAND UP next to you and defend it"
There ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the USA
" I will gladly STAND UP next to you and defend it"
There ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the USA
Monday, May 23, 2011
I'm not falling for that
Dear People in my Office
When I send a note explaining that I will not be at your 2pm meeting because I am home SICK, and my throat is sore and I have a nasty cold, please do not call me from the phone in the conference room just to embarrass me as I quack out "HELLO" and then completely lose my voice. I'm not falling for it. I see you online and I know you can just IM me with any issues. I'll be in the office tomorrow and feeling more like putting up with your idiotic embarrassment and making fun of my honking and quacking.
When I send a note explaining that I will not be at your 2pm meeting because I am home SICK, and my throat is sore and I have a nasty cold, please do not call me from the phone in the conference room just to embarrass me as I quack out "HELLO" and then completely lose my voice. I'm not falling for it. I see you online and I know you can just IM me with any issues. I'll be in the office tomorrow and feeling more like putting up with your idiotic embarrassment and making fun of my honking and quacking.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The New Math
Scene: The supermarket deli counter.
Finally it's my turn. I say to the deli counter assistant person very clearly "I would like one pound of chicken salad please" She repeated "one pound of chicken salad"
She proceeds to grab a container and start CRAMMING chicken salad into it until it's really really FULL. In my mind I KNOW it's more than one pound. Onto the scale it goes. Total weight: 2.73 pounds.
Deli Counter assistant says to me "is it ok if it's a little over a pound?"
When I say "no I want one pound please" she gives ME a dirty look! Then proceeds to almost empty the container. Total weight this time 0.47 pounds. She looks at me. I again say "One pound please" More gets spooned in - total weight now - 1.89. Now I'm just on a roll. "One pound please". At this point she grabs another container - a smaller one - you know, the one that on the display says ONE POUND and fills that. Total weight? 1.03 pounds. Yet another validation of my theory that when people leave their homes and end up in a grocery store they somehow become mentally challenged.
Finally it's my turn. I say to the deli counter assistant person very clearly "I would like one pound of chicken salad please" She repeated "one pound of chicken salad"
She proceeds to grab a container and start CRAMMING chicken salad into it until it's really really FULL. In my mind I KNOW it's more than one pound. Onto the scale it goes. Total weight: 2.73 pounds.
Deli Counter assistant says to me "is it ok if it's a little over a pound?"
When I say "no I want one pound please" she gives ME a dirty look! Then proceeds to almost empty the container. Total weight this time 0.47 pounds. She looks at me. I again say "One pound please" More gets spooned in - total weight now - 1.89. Now I'm just on a roll. "One pound please". At this point she grabs another container - a smaller one - you know, the one that on the display says ONE POUND and fills that. Total weight? 1.03 pounds. Yet another validation of my theory that when people leave their homes and end up in a grocery store they somehow become mentally challenged.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Random Thoughts of the day
I think I need a bigger bed - the cats are taking over my queen size bed and now I have less than the space of a twin bed for myself. I think they like my sleep number bed more than I do
snow last week, windy and only in the 30's and 40's this week, could be 80 sometime next week, then SNOW right after that. Is it any wonder I get migraines?
hey, nasty dude across the street - if I EVER see you slap your 7 year old grandson in the face again you will have the cops on your ass so fast you won't know what hit you. You are VERY lucky you were getting in the car to take him back to his momma and not getting out of the car.
My next door neighbor has the CUTEST 4 month old ever in the history of babies and I just want to squish his little cheeks!!!
why did i wake up with the "99 bottles of beer on the wall" song stuck in my brain?
I really think that my neighborhood is "Peyton Place". I don't talk to many of my neighbors because they're all NUTS. But I enjoy the show on a daily basis. Mostly. Except nasty dude across the street. He's got to GO.
I think that everyone at work now hates me because I am a Flyers fan and I work in Buffalo, and they are now tied 2-2 in their Stanley Cup playoff series. Or maybe it's because I've worn orange and black every day this week and have a Flyers screen saver on my laptop. No, I'm not passive-aggressive at all!
Every time I go to the donut place to get an iced coffee in the morning I feel like Sally Albright from "When Harry Met Sally" -- I'll have a large dark roast iced coffee with extra cream and a turbo shot, and 2 splenda packets on the side". Yeah, I know 5:30 in the morning is a little early to deal with someone like me. Sorry. On the side is a big thing with me.
The sheep up the street are naked again.
snow last week, windy and only in the 30's and 40's this week, could be 80 sometime next week, then SNOW right after that. Is it any wonder I get migraines?
hey, nasty dude across the street - if I EVER see you slap your 7 year old grandson in the face again you will have the cops on your ass so fast you won't know what hit you. You are VERY lucky you were getting in the car to take him back to his momma and not getting out of the car.
My next door neighbor has the CUTEST 4 month old ever in the history of babies and I just want to squish his little cheeks!!!
why did i wake up with the "99 bottles of beer on the wall" song stuck in my brain?
I really think that my neighborhood is "Peyton Place". I don't talk to many of my neighbors because they're all NUTS. But I enjoy the show on a daily basis. Mostly. Except nasty dude across the street. He's got to GO.
I think that everyone at work now hates me because I am a Flyers fan and I work in Buffalo, and they are now tied 2-2 in their Stanley Cup playoff series. Or maybe it's because I've worn orange and black every day this week and have a Flyers screen saver on my laptop. No, I'm not passive-aggressive at all!
Every time I go to the donut place to get an iced coffee in the morning I feel like Sally Albright from "When Harry Met Sally" -- I'll have a large dark roast iced coffee with extra cream and a turbo shot, and 2 splenda packets on the side". Yeah, I know 5:30 in the morning is a little early to deal with someone like me. Sorry. On the side is a big thing with me.
The sheep up the street are naked again.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Was it really wrong of me.........
It's a little early in the season for skateboarding, especially on our potholed road. But I could not help laughing when our resident "skater dude" planted the front of his skateboard into the 9 inch deep pothole and did a flip over the speed bump. It made me feel better about driving over it 4 days in a row and yelling "CRAP" each time.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Life in the crazy lane
Dear Neighbors
Yes, I finally took down my christmas lights Sunday! Until last week they were freaking FROZEN in the gutter. So now you can all stop calling me the Redneck Woman. But be forewarned, I just may plant plastic flowers in my yard just to piss you all off. I have a few "observations" for all of you
MrPlayboyNeighborWhoLivesBehindMe - you are NOT fooling anyone when you drive your car around the corner to spend the night with your old high school sweetheart. You could literally walk out your back door, go 100 steps and be at her house. You are not fooling her parents who live on the other side of her duplex either. Oh, and you are not fooling her when you have other lady friends over to your house. Close the blinds dude!
MsAgingRockGroupie - Aren't you a little old to have your boyfriend and his "garage band" over every weekend to practice in your garage? Seriously, you both are in your 50's.
MrsMotherOf43ChildrenAcrossTheStreet - You presume to tell me you now have room for 4 dogs in that house with all of those kids? Really? I'm thinking that you have had them tunnel through the basement wall and have built an underground bunker over there to keep them all.
MrPsychoCorvetteOwner/DrugDealer - yes YOU. We ALL know that you are dealing drugs. You cannot fool us with that little piece of paper you taped over your peep window in your front door. The constant stream of visitors you have that only stay for 2 minutes is kind of a give away. I look forward to the SWAT team showing up at your door some morning at 4am. Oh, and your Corvette is still a piece of crap.
WrestlemainaDudes - you all are in your late 20's - when will you realize that "professional" wrestling is FAKE??? Oh, and you the 28 year old- please please please do not ever go back to the orange and yellow dyed dreadlock look - you looked like Rasta McDonald.
Dear Neighbors in our Village - it's SPRING. The farmers are out tending to their fields. Spreading manure around is common. It helps the crops grow. And it does smell. Deal with it. Do NOT send a petition around demanding that the farmers not spread manure in their fields that your house happens to be built next to. Would your alternative in any way involve toilet training of farm animals? Because I would pay a LOT of money to watch you do that.
Yes, I finally took down my christmas lights Sunday! Until last week they were freaking FROZEN in the gutter. So now you can all stop calling me the Redneck Woman. But be forewarned, I just may plant plastic flowers in my yard just to piss you all off. I have a few "observations" for all of you
MrPlayboyNeighborWhoLivesBehindMe - you are NOT fooling anyone when you drive your car around the corner to spend the night with your old high school sweetheart. You could literally walk out your back door, go 100 steps and be at her house. You are not fooling her parents who live on the other side of her duplex either. Oh, and you are not fooling her when you have other lady friends over to your house. Close the blinds dude!
MsAgingRockGroupie - Aren't you a little old to have your boyfriend and his "garage band" over every weekend to practice in your garage? Seriously, you both are in your 50's.
MrsMotherOf43ChildrenAcrossTheStreet - You presume to tell me you now have room for 4 dogs in that house with all of those kids? Really? I'm thinking that you have had them tunnel through the basement wall and have built an underground bunker over there to keep them all.
MrPsychoCorvetteOwner/DrugDealer - yes YOU. We ALL know that you are dealing drugs. You cannot fool us with that little piece of paper you taped over your peep window in your front door. The constant stream of visitors you have that only stay for 2 minutes is kind of a give away. I look forward to the SWAT team showing up at your door some morning at 4am. Oh, and your Corvette is still a piece of crap.
WrestlemainaDudes - you all are in your late 20's - when will you realize that "professional" wrestling is FAKE??? Oh, and you the 28 year old- please please please do not ever go back to the orange and yellow dyed dreadlock look - you looked like Rasta McDonald.
Dear Neighbors in our Village - it's SPRING. The farmers are out tending to their fields. Spreading manure around is common. It helps the crops grow. And it does smell. Deal with it. Do NOT send a petition around demanding that the farmers not spread manure in their fields that your house happens to be built next to. Would your alternative in any way involve toilet training of farm animals? Because I would pay a LOT of money to watch you do that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)