Random Thoughts of the day

I think I need a bigger bed - the cats are taking over my queen size bed and now I have less than the space of a twin bed for myself.  I think they like my sleep number bed more than I do

snow last week, windy and only in the 30's and 40's this week, could be 80 sometime next week, then SNOW right after that. Is it any wonder I get migraines?

hey, nasty dude across the street - if I EVER see you slap your 7 year old grandson in the face again you will have the cops on your ass so fast you won't know what hit you.  You are VERY lucky you were getting in the car to take him back to his momma and not getting out of the car.

My next door neighbor has the CUTEST 4 month old ever in the history of babies and I just want to squish his little cheeks!!!

why did i wake up with the "99 bottles of beer on the wall" song stuck in my brain?

I really think that my neighborhood is "Peyton Place".  I don't talk to many of my neighbors because they're all NUTS.  But I enjoy the show on a daily basis. Mostly.  Except nasty dude across the street.  He's got to GO.

I think that everyone at work now hates me because I am a Flyers fan and I work in Buffalo, and they are now tied 2-2 in their Stanley Cup playoff series.  Or maybe it's because I've worn orange and black every day this week and have a Flyers screen saver on my laptop.  No, I'm not passive-aggressive at all!

Every time I go to the donut place to get an iced coffee in the morning I feel like Sally Albright from "When Harry Met Sally" --  I'll have a large dark roast iced coffee with extra cream and a turbo shot, and 2 splenda packets on the side".  Yeah, I know 5:30 in the morning is a little early to deal with someone like me.  Sorry.  On the side is a big thing with me.

The sheep up the street are naked again.

Was it really wrong of me.........

It's a little early in the season for skateboarding, especially on our potholed road.  But I could not help laughing when our resident "skater dude" planted the front of his skateboard into the 9 inch deep pothole and did a flip over the speed bump.  It made me feel better about driving over it 4 days in a row and yelling "CRAP" each time.

Life in the crazy lane

Dear Neighbors

Yes, I finally took down my christmas lights Sunday! Until last week they were freaking FROZEN in the gutter.  So now you can all stop calling me the Redneck Woman.  But be forewarned, I just may plant plastic flowers in my yard just to piss you all off.  I have a few "observations" for all of you

MrPlayboyNeighborWhoLivesBehindMe - you are NOT fooling anyone when you drive your car around the corner to spend the night with your old high school sweetheart.  You could literally walk out your back door, go 100 steps and be at her house.  You are not fooling her parents who live on the other side of her duplex either.  Oh, and you are not fooling her when you have other lady friends over to your house.  Close the blinds dude!

MsAgingRockGroupie - Aren't you a little old to have your boyfriend and his "garage band" over every weekend to practice in your garage? Seriously, you both are in your 50's.

MrsMotherOf43ChildrenAcrossTheStreet - You presume to tell me you now have room for 4 dogs in that house with all of those kids? Really? I'm thinking that you have had them tunnel through the basement wall and have built an underground bunker over there to keep them all.

MrPsychoCorvetteOwner/DrugDealer - yes YOU.  We ALL know that you are dealing drugs.  You cannot fool us with that little piece of paper you taped over your peep window in your front door.  The constant stream of visitors you have that only stay for 2 minutes is kind of a give away.   I look forward to the SWAT team showing up at your door some morning at 4am.  Oh, and your Corvette is still a piece of crap.

WrestlemainaDudes - you all are in your late 20's - when will you realize that "professional" wrestling is FAKE??? Oh, and you the 28 year old- please please please do not ever go back to the orange and yellow dyed dreadlock look - you looked like Rasta McDonald.


Dear Neighbors in our Village - it's SPRING.  The farmers are out tending to their fields. Spreading manure around is common. It helps the crops grow. And it does smell.  Deal with it.  Do NOT send a petition around demanding that the farmers not spread manure in their fields that your house happens to be built next to.  Would your alternative in any way involve toilet training of farm animals? Because I would pay a LOT of money to watch you do that.

just friggin AWESOME

ok, so I FINALLY got my Urban Decay Naked Palette eye shadow, the original one with the brown and black eye liner pencil.  I'm in hussy painted lady heaven!!! Such wonderful colors to go with my brown eyes! I'm one hot chick!!!

Yesterday I go to put on my mascara and something is VERY VERY WRONG.  My frigging eyelashes are just about gone! Someone came in and cut them in half while I was sleeping.  HOLY FREAKING CRAP!! I have short stubby eyelashes.  WHAT THE F***????? I have used the same Maybelline Great Lash mascara for about 30 years!!! Could it be that? I'm FREAKING OUT! I had long eyelashes one day and short stubby ones the next.  Could it have been the eye liner pencil? or the eyeshadow primer? Maybe that is it.  God only know how long it will take to grow my eyelashes again.  I can't do the false eyelashes because I have a very very weird aversion to putting things near my eyes.  It took me YEARS to not flip out putting on eyeliner and mascara.  My eye doctor hates me because he cannot get eye drops in my eyes - he ends up with the lovely yellow contrast dye all over him.  So this whole thing is extra freaky for me.

My  eyeballs feel friggin NAKED.

It's only snow people

Dear People of Rochester, NY

Come on.  We live in ROCHESTER.  It's FEBRUARY.  Sometimes it SNOWS.  Really.  I'm not lying.  Sometimes it even snows ALOT. (and for those of you outside of Rochester, we ALWAYS get more snow than Buffalo every winter). However, it's doesn't snow for like 12 days on end with no let up.  And it generally does not pile up to 17 feet in a day.  And usually the power does not go out for a month and a half.

So, dear people of Rochester,  what the hell is with the "OH MY GOD! I NEED 27 LOAVES OF BREAD AND 18 GALLONS OF MILK TO GET THROUGH THE NEXT 7 HOURS" attitude?

How the hell many sandwiches do you all plan on eating in a day? And how much milk do you normally drink? Or are all of you making 55 gallon drums of bread pudding?

Let's all RELAX and enjoy the snow! YES it IS possible to enjoy the beauty of the snow.

However, if you ARE making 55 gallons of bread pudding, I like mine without raisins.

You would think that by now people could deal with it

The snow.  Really.  Scene on the highway:   one small car slid off the road.  Wrecker (tow truck, whatever) down at the bottom of the hill in the median.  Another wrecker pulling the first one back up the hill.  Little car managed to free itself from the snow.  I really hope that the driver of the little car was not charged for this fiasco.

Random thoughts for 2011

Isn't it time for flying cars? - really., weren't we baby boomers (and I was born in the last year or so of that generation in the early 60's) promised flying cars? I want mine.  Not because I love flying.  I HATE flying.  But the prospect of taking my flying car and buzzing it over my drunk ass neighbors is just too tempting.  

Why can't I get the Lucky Charms song out of my head?  Oh, it's because they're magically delicious.  That's right

My drunk ass neighbor's drunk ass 27 year old kid has cut and dyed his hair so that he now looks like Ronald McDonald.  Why? Because he wants to be a pro wrestler.  Like Hulk Hogan.  Really.  Oh. My. Freaking.  God.  And he wonders why he got fired from his job.  

I cannot buy a shirt or sweater and NOT get a food stain on it the first time I wear it.  I think I have an eating disorder.  

I think I need some new shoes.  I have about 50 pair of shoes.  I actually wear 90% of them.  Most of them I have had 10 or more years.  The other 10% fit nicely exactly once, when I tried them on in the store.  

I don't know what I'm going to do when my favorite thermal pajamas finally wear out.  Victoria's Secret doesn't make them anymore and I've had them over 10 years. 

My grocery store sells "scented" spa socks.  Aromatherapy socks? that don't already smell like feet? Interestingly, my cats are afraid of my feet when I wear them.  It's pretty hysterical.

Am I the only one who looks at teenagers with pierced faces and ear lobes with dinner plate sized holes that hang down to their shoulders and wonder how in the hell they're going to get a job and support themselves? I'm all for self expression, but having been a manager who hired people for a living for many years, looks are a very important impression.  

It's winter and I'm in my annual "mashed potato" gorge fest.  It's the only food that tastes good to me right now.  What it's not good for? My blood sugar levels - diabetics should not exist on mashed potatoes alone.  

Is it a bad thing when sometimes the only way I remember what day it is when my alarm clock so rudely interrupts me is by trying to remember what I watched on TV the night before? 

Glurp. (really, that's one of my first thoughts when I wake up in the morning).